The Aftermath

I don't like math, fortunately for everyone reading this – this post isn't about math. You’ve probably noticed that there haven’t been too many posts from me lately and while I don’t like to make excuses, normally, I will say that I have been sick for the past few weeks and just didn’t feel that everyone reading this would be interested in projectile vomiting. By the way, for all that are interested, projectile vomiting is a great way to spend a Sunday. Just find the strongest Antibiotic on the market, Avelox, take it, and SHAZAM!!!

Well enough about bad decisions, let’s get to actually writing. I wanted to take some time today to tackle a really difficult subject. Something that for me goes back to childhood and in others brings out emotions, so heated and unexplainable that it’s really difficult to fathom why it disturbs them so much. Yes, I’m talking about the world of professional Wrestling.

First off, a disclaimer: YES I KNOW THE OUTCOMES ARE PREDETERMINED, EVERYONE KNOWS THEY ARE. THE PERFORMERS PRACTICE THE MOVES AND WORK AT THEM TO MAKE THEM AS SAFE AS POSSIBLE, THAT HAS BEEN MY UNDERSTANDING FOR AT LEAST 20 GODDAMN YEARS.

But really, please get over yourselves, why are you still trying to ruin it for others. Did you get body slammed by Andre the Giant when you were a kid and you still haven’t gotten over it? Did the Million Dollar Man offer you a cold $1000 dollars to bounce a basketball 20 times only to smack the ball out of your hand on the 20th bounce? Did Chris Beniot murder your entire family and… oh wait – too soon? I mean really what is it? And while the world of professional Wrestling, or Rasslin’ may be fake would it be any surprise that people in the biz get injured all the time or is it even fair to say that they are real athletes. I would give that a resounding hell ya! This is however not the reason I write this entry. I’m writing this entry to stress my general disdain for what I have been seeing lately when I watch the WWE.

To preface this I think I should note my history with professional Wrestling. I grew up with the WWF now the WWE. I remember watching Jake the Snake, JYD, The British Bulldogs, the Hart Foundation, etc. on the videos that my parents would bring home and then later moving along to watching the WWF on broadcast TV. I ate up every minute of it and as I grew up my love for the medium never waned, even after I learned of its deception. Over the years, I have taken hiatuses from watching the beloved heroes and villains of the WWF/E. Sadly, I missed the hubbub that was Stone Cold Steve Austin and just caught the tail end of the Rock’s impressive career.

Recently, I have again taken an interest in watching rasslin’ on a weekly basis, but for some reason, it’s just not the same. Now, you can insist that I’m older and wiser and all that bull, but honestly this new batch of Superstars is missing something, and I think I know just what it is.

Before I go knocking on these youngins, as some of them are, a bit of praise: a LOT of the new talent have AMAZING skills in the ring. One particular standout is John Morrison, that kid has more tricks up his sleeves than Mark Wilson. And while telling a great story in the ring is very important, the most dynamic Wrestlers that really wow audiences generally aren’t that great in the ring.

Who do you think of when you think of the greatest Wrestlers of our time: Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Ric Flair, The Ultimate Warrior, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock? Now if you go back and actually watch them working a match, they don’t really have the greatest of ring skills, with exception of Ric Flair and MAYBE Steve Austin. I don’t say this to put them down. I say this because you don’t have to be a master ring tactician to win the hearts of your audience. Wrestling, isn’t just about wrestling, it’s about entertainment. As a Wrestler, you shouldn’t JUST be worried about your in ring work. One of the major factors is how entertaining you are outside of the ring. When Hulk Hogan told me he was going to say his prayers and eat his vitmans, I believed him. When Andre the Giant said he would come out to destroy all challengers, I was convinced. I knew that Ric Flair was a Limosine ridin, jet flyin, kiss stealin, wheelin, dealin, stylin and profilin son of a gun! When the Ultimate Warrior said, whatever it is that he said, I knew there was some badness going down. Stone Cold Steve Austin? One mean SOB, and oh yeah I could smell what the Rock was cooking. In the 80s we had some many of these dynamic characters aside from just Hogan, Flair, Andre, and the Warrior, we had Rowdy Roddy Piper, still one of the best heels of our time; the Macho Man Randy Savage; the Million Dollar Man, close on the heels of Piper, pun intended (btw for those that don’t know heel is rasslin’ lingo for no good nick); Jake the Snake; Bobby the Brain Heenan; Jimmy Snuka; the Iron Shiek; the mouth of the south Jimmy Hart; Hillbilly Jim; the list could go on and on. Even into the 90s the great characters continued to thrive, with the introduction of the Undertaker, Razor Ramon, Diesel, the rise of Bret the Hitman Hart and Shawn Michaels in singles completion. When these characters said something, they had the confidence, the arrogance and the attitude to be believed.

This new batch can barely get through a sentence without misspeaking or their voice quivering like some lost lamb in the middle of a crowd of 100,000 wolves. Even some of the real seasoned Wrestlers *cough*Edge*cough* still can’t get through a decent monologue.

On a side note, it’s so good to see Christian back in the WWE. While he was never the better looking of the two when he used to tag with Edge, he weaves of tapestry of brilliance when he’s on the mic. If the WWE would only utilize him, he could possibly be one of the greatest heels of all time.

Sorry back on course. Look I am not trying to tell anyone how to do their job, far be it from me to talk about an industry I have never worked in before, but I do know what I find to be entertaining. I see being a confidant public speaker as the missing piece of the puzzle that could possibly put professional Wrestling back up to its rightful place in pop culture.

One final note, “what’s up,” is not a catch phrase.

Tin Foil Hat Time

There are many out there with the belief that the numerous mysterious events of our time can be explained by certain conspiracies; created by the government, outside groups trying to rein in the government or aliens. The latest conspiracy, I’ve heard about, came from the recent Michael Jackson debacle. Personally, I didn’t really go there immediately; my grieving process for dead celebrities usually starts with very inappropriate jokes, moves on to embarrassed reflection (do I really care about this person or did they affect my life in anyway) and then usually ends with me saying, “why am I spending so much time and energy on something that is really not that import to me.”

Now I understand, the passing of any human being shouldn’t be made light of; however, I don’t go through the obituaries everyday to look for normal people who die and reflect on them. Why should celebrities be anymore important? That aside considering conspiracy doesn’t usually happen in my process.

A good friend brought up the idea of conspiracy today and I actually cooked up, what I thought was a great conspiracy theory. By the way, if I and this blog disappear in the next couple of days, just know, I was right. So here it goes: I’m beginning to believe there may be a “secret society” within the super rich that will, if things go wrong and it turns out that, the celebrity, CEO, millionaire trust fund baby, etc. squanders all their riches — has kids and realizes that they will have nothing to leave their children when they die; this “secret society” will offer the individual death in exchange to set their child up for life. The only thing I haven’t really come up with is why they do it; but after typing that out I think it could be a great movie directed by the guy from Donnie Darko, that way the “why they are doing it” doesn’t have to may sense.

Ugh… That’s all for now. Haven’t been feeling well all week so you’re lucky to get this! :P Please keep the critiques coming!

I don't... sleep... well.

For those of you not born of the 70s or those who didn't catch it on a rerun like myself, Adam West who you may remember from the hit TV cartoon Family Guy, played a familiar "Caped Crusader," that’s what they called Batman before they shackled the cowled one (hmm... the cowled one..?) as the "Dark Knight," in a chintzy spoof of the popular comic book series. Playing the famous part Michelle Pfeiffer reprised in "Batman Returns" of the Catwoman was the sultry Eartha Kitt. I've made the decision, after being whined at — all morning — by our most senior (said out of respect) and feminine cat Padmae that she sounds like the late Eartha Kitt when vocalizing.


The wierd things you think about when animals are crawling over you at seven in the morning.

Edited: thanks for the feedback on this one. It has been updated!

The King and I

As much as I may be an opponent of everything pop, especially of our current batch of rejects starting well before the likes of Britney and Justin; I must admit that I am affected by the passing of Michael Jackson. This is one of those moments in history akin to Elvis, John Lennon or even Kurt Cobain leaving the earth. That however is not why I am affected. I was a young lad of four when Thriller was released (I'd link to it but I think just about everyone knows about Thriller) and to say I have never heard it, never sang along to it, never kicked my foot and grabbed my crotch, never worn one sparkly glove, never shouted HOOO, would be a lie. In all honesty, saying that Jackson was one of many inspirations for me to discover myself in music is a truth that I have come to wear as a badge of pride. It can indeed be said, there will never be another like him.

Tomato, Tomahto?

Around three and a half years ago I moved to San Antonio Texas, and currently live in a county called Bexar. A quick piece of history for those concerned; San Antonio was once called San Antonio de Bexar. When I first moved to San Antonio I found, to my surprise that Bexar is pronounced 'Bear', like the animal. This got me thinking: 'Bexar' and 'Mexico' are both spelled with an 'X', but 'Mexico' in the Spanish vernacular is pronounced with the 'X' silent substituting it for an 'H' sound; therefore in 'Bexar' the 'X' is also silent and pronounced with the 'H' sound. Now in the American English vernacular the 'X' in 'Mexico' is not silent. So, should the 'X' in 'Bexar' be pronounced in the American English vernacular?

Good god I'm allergic to something!

So, for those of you who don't know it, I take a Kung Fu class on Tuesdays and Thursdays every week (btw: I designed that site, and built it). This is the second time this has happened: I will arrive at class and about half way through I will go through some kind of episode and just start sneezing away. That started about three hours ago; my nose is still runny.

Had a great day today, and if you know me a great day ALWAYS starts with breakfast at Magnolia's. I had their signature house dish, the Munchener Apfel Pfannekuchen or the Farfignugen for short. I had always put off ordering this meal because of the price, but today was my day, and I was going to Farfignugen! Sadly, as hard as I tried, I could not tame the beast because, what they brought me was the size of the GIANT plate it was served on.

Afterward, we headed down to the Palladium IMAX theater over by the 10 and saw the new Pixar flick: Up. All in all, I really enjoyed Up! The 3D format fit it really well and didn't overpower the storytelling. The writers did a real great job with this one. A lot of different themes were thrown around: love, loss and letting go, and from a point of view we don't see in many movies: the eldery. In addition I thought the "Spirit of Adventure" worked as a great metaphor. I will say this though: there is A LOT of heartbreak in this movie. I'm talking on the scale of Bambi, Old Yellar and Where the Red Ferns Grow. Within the first 20 minutes, if you don't at least feel a slight twinge in your heart, you're dead. Seriously, you are a zombie and your time would be better spent outside, looking for fresh brains than sitting inside watching a children's movie.

Well, that's all I got for tonight. I hope you've learned something; not from here of course but, you know, somewheres.

Taken Back to San Antone

Just a short note to everyone out there in blogo land: I will be formatting the hard drive on my laptop soon in hopes that it will speed up the damned thing. This could very well be my final transmission; but probably not.

Got in from Arizona last night around 7:30pm. The flight home wasn't quite as bumpy as the flight to Arizona. This took away a lot of the anxiety I have about flying; although it could have been the Zanax. I made my way rapidly through 1984 on the plane and I should be done fairly soon, which is advantageous as another book I had reserved at the library is currently on hold for me and waiting to be read.

I saw Taken last night with some good friends and enjoyed some great bbq. A quick note on Taken: it was definitely an enjoyable film. It didn't try to be anything it wasn't which was nice. Just a popcorn, action, guys guy type of flick. It's always nice to see a gentleman like Neeson become a badass.

Just another day in Arizona...

I'm posting, again.

From Arizona with love or at least a warm feeling, despite the unseasonal weather. I thought it was just Texas, but apparently quite a few areas are having strange weather. To be fair, it's not like the weather is bad where I am, it's just not the 100 degree weather I was promised; which would have made today more bearable; by leaps and bounds.

We had made the decision to go tubing on the salt lake river in Arizona well before we arrived and once we were on the ground, we resolved to go today. There are many differences between our preferred tubing spot in San Antonio, and this new tubing spot. The most jarring however, was the temperature of the water. While the water wasn't at all freezing, in combination with the low temperature and the constant wind, it made the whole affair of tubing colder than I prefer.

Did I not enjoy myself? Absolutely not! I spent the day with family that I only get to see rarely, and for that I would brave the colds of Antarctica (probably).

Texas Nights

It should be noted that I am writing this several thousand feet in the air and in fact, this won't actually be posted until the vibrating tube – of which I am an inhabitant – lands. Needless to say, I'm in an airplane on my way to visit my parents in Arizona. The whole trip – thus far – has been enjoyable. Oh yes, we have had our share of bumps and bruises along the way but I have remained in high spirits; determined to enjoy myself.

By the way – and I point this out specifically due to the fact that it is more a rule (not necessarily) for the blog in its entirety and not necessarily for this blog post. Please feel free to comment on any and all grammar and spelling errors that I make; as I am trying to improve that avenue of my writing.

Thanks

-The Management

On with the show! I should start by saying that this post was meant for last week, however I became severely bogged down in issues varying from preparing for the trip to troubleshooting our ill-timed internet outage: see the previous blog post.

Last Tuesday, some friends and I went tubing on the Comal River. My friends – originally from Washington – had never been tubing and seeing as I currently have an abundance of time on my hands; I felt it was time to pop that cherry. After a great day of alcohol and water sports, Jeni and I retired early; around 9:30pmish.

I awoke around midnight on my own accord; surprisingly awake. It felt much earlier than it actually was and I was surprised to that the clock read 12:00am and not 3:30am. I laid in bed for awhile, trying to will my alcohol addled body to sleep, but for some reason, I wasn't having it. The flicker of my clock radio seemed to hypnotize me awake, and it took me a moment to realize that the flicker was not emanating from my clock radio.

The amazing thing about Texas – to me anyway – is the sky; that thing goes on forever. When they say: everything is bigger in Texas; they are talking specifically about the sky. When there is a lightning storm miles away, you can see it, like an approaching battle in the sky. Dare I say it is beautiful? Regardless, the flickering that was randomly catching my eye that night was not my clock radio, it was a thunderstorm in – I'm assuming Shertz – a town several miles away. That's when the scratching on the wall started.

All was quiet in the house, and as there had been no noise in quite a while the thunderous scratching behind my head had awoken Jeni.

"What the heck is that?" Jeni said out of unconsciousness.

I searched my brain for some kind of answer; for being as awake as I was, my brain was pretty useless (I'll chock that up to alcohol). I finally diagnosed – although I'm sure it was Jeni who actually solved the puzzle, painfully, I still can't quite remember – the problem: it was an extension cord we had hanging from the wall and although it had never moved before in a storm, now it had caught boogie fever.

I will admit to being a coward, I have never been known for my testicular fortitude as good ol' JR would say, and my mind was telling me to play it safe.

"That thunderstorm could turn at any point and leave you or Lily a crispy critter (Lily being our dog)," my mind cautioned matronly.

Caution aside, I knew that Jeni wouldn't sleep through it and if either of us would become toast, it would have to be me. I made my way to the backyard and followed the wall to the power outlet. Suddenly, the sky became alight with lightning; however it was still several miles away.

Houdini would have been impressed with the knot that fastened the extension cord to the power outlet, and with another look to the sky; I set to work. The job wasn't as invasive as I had originally expected and within about five minutes, I was back inside; warm and toasty under the covers. I was still unable to sleep, and with that the thunder started.

It should be noted that I am now safely back on the ground and it has been two days since my last transmission.

The thunder started quietly and seemed content to remain so, but for one crash that was preceded by a prolonged flash of lightening. This thunder clap was akin to a bomb exploding just outside our window; shaking the house and echoing for miles. Jeni awoke with a start; I – on the other hand – had come to enjoy my insomniatic solitude; was already awake. Lily – on the other hand – didn't stir; not an inch. Jeni quietly returned to sleep as the thunder quickly abated.

While lying there, my mind was working feverishly; not because I was worrying about anything, although I know I should be. No, I had an idea for my upcoming movie project (see previous entries); my problem was that I couldn't decide whether or not to try to continue to will myself to sleep or write it down.

Whenever I have an idea – no matter how great or small – and I am not in a position to write it down, I always put it off thinking that I will remember it and write it down later. This NEVER works, ever. I decided at that point, that this idea was too good to lose and set forth to write it down. Fortunately for me, my notebook was on my nightstand, a practice I plan to continue as most of my ideas come to me while I'm sleeping or in the shower. After 45 minutes of scribbling I had a rough layout of scene so simple to create and yet intricate in storytelling. Right now, I don't plan on relating it but eventually look forward to seeing it here.

The rest of the night involved me snuggling up on the couch by myself, falling asleep to O' Brother Where Art Thou; not because that movie is at all sleep inducing but more because the lack of action keeps the screen from flickering and I didn't want to wake anyone else in the house. And really, that's where my story for that night ends. Not that anything of real note happened during my several hours of insomnia; I just wanted to write it down, for posterity or whatever.

The System Is Down...

My apologies for not posting for the last few days. I do have a lot to post about, but the internets were down in my neck of the woods, which required Timewarner to send out a nice gentlemen to get me back up and running. Now, since I'm leaving for Arizona tomorrow, it seems that my time is slowly slipping away. Hopefully, I'll have a second or two to throw up a blog post while I'm in AZ.

Thanks for your patience.

-The Management

Two Years

"It's been awhile," as the fella says. I think I'll start utilizing this blog a little more.

Just a quick post off of the old noggin. Things I've been working on:

I've been learning to play In My Life by the Beatles for my parents vow renewal ceremony. Hopefully, that turns out okay. My buddy Nathan and I have decided to start a writing collective, to eventually maybe turnout some screenplays and other such nonsense. The first project on that plate is a short story I recently wrote called the tree, you can check that out here:

Joel's Goodreads profile

By the way, I am official reduced in workforce! So far it's been great!